Post by Aaron Warthog on Oct 20, 2022 0:16:30 GMT -5
*The picture comes up on a relatively beautiful scene. You've got the well-maintained house, the white picket fence, the beautiful rose bushes growing outside in the garden. It's truly picturesque. As the camera moves in closer to the front door, we can see four letters stamped on it: AW & MB. The door suddenly swings open with a great deal of force, as a heavy, HEAVY man walks out with a big smile on his face.*
Aaron Warthog: Well, well, well, fancy seein' all of y'all here! Get yer asses in here!
*The camera seems to hesitate, then shrugs, as if willing to go into the warthog's den. We head inside, where the house is just as stunning inside. That is, if you can ignore all the toys strewn across the living room. Warthog tries to move stealthily among them, but he can't dodge them all, managing to step on a couple of Lego's. Everyone at home feels his pain as he hops for a few seconds before getting over the agony and continuing on. We peek inside the kitchen, where Memphis Belle can be seen, still as incredible as ever despite having had two kids. She's currently feeding Aaron Jr with a bottle, which thankfully helps us avoid any censorship.*
Aaron Warthog: Wave to the TFCE cameraman, honeybunch!
*Memphis looks up, acting surprised.*
Memphis Belle: Aaron! You didn't tell me they'd be here today! I must look terrible...
*It's obvious Memphis has on plenty of make-up and has her hair done, but nobody here is complaining. Warthog nods in apparent understanding.*
Aaron Warthog: Sorry, sweetheart. But ah couldn't resist showing off yer beauty!
*Warthog quickly gives his son a quick pat on the head, before continuing on to another room. It's Warthog's pride and joy: his trophy room. Of course, there aren't any trophies in there, but the bookshelves are well-built. Warthog turns to the camera, all smiles.*
Aaron Warthog: Ah've truly been blessed. An amazing wife, stunning kids, and a beautiful home! And ah owe it all to Memphis and her great job. She does so well sellin' those On-a-Ly Fans. Who knew you could do a thrivin' business sellin' fans to keep people cool! Really, ah shouldn't ask for anything more...
*Warthog looks around at the empty shelves all around him, his grin fading slightly.*
Aaron Warthog: And yet ah can't help myself. Ah always had one dream: to become a great wrestla' who's known throughout the world. I put aside that dream with Memphis, and ah don't regret it at all... but Memphis knows ah can't ignore it anymore. Ah have to start making mah way into the world again. And all it took was for an old pal from the GCWA to call me up and say they needed me.
*Warthog grins, remembering the phone call. He then shrugs, opting to be honest.*
Aaron Warthog: Okay, so he just said they needed warm bodies. But that's me! ah'm warm as a lemonade pitcher left out in the sun on a hot South Carolina day! And ah can't miss this opportunity to compete in an honest-ta-God Rumble!
*The big man reaches out, grabbing hold of his custom-made Aaron Warthog t-shirt and tears it off of him. Thankfully, he's just got his wrestling gear on underneath.*
Aaron Warthog: Ah don't care who's in the Rumble. They could be pipsqueaks or hawses, skinny boys or heavy like me. It don't matter. Ah'm comin' to the TFCE to show the world that THE WARTHOG AIN'T DEAD! Ah'm still alive, and ah'm still livin' the dream, and nothin's gonna change that!
*Warthog is fired up, smacking the side of the empty shelf. The shelf shakes, but somehow doesn't fall apart. Instead, it shifts to the side, revealing a hidden stairway! Warthog, smiling, steps inside. He goes downwards and flips a switch, revealing the secret basement of their home. It's a full gym and even features a mini wrestling ring. It's barely large enough for Warthog, but he slides into it anyway, letting the ropes surround him.*
Aaron Warthog: For those who think ah don't train anymore due ta being a father, you're dead wrong! The Warthog is still one of tha strongest men in the world, and ah'll prove it by throwing every single one of ya over these ropes! Well, not these ropes, but ya know what ah mean!
*Behind Warthog, we can see a small figure climbing up onto the turnbuckle. He's trying to be stealthy, but his giggling gives him away. Warthog turns as the kid jumps towards him, laughing. Warthog easily catches him, lifting the kid onto his shoulder. He bounces him up and down, continuing to get him to laugh.*
Aaron Warthog: Mikey-Z! You're flyin' higher every day!
*The kid laughs again, enjoying being so elevated.*
Aaron Warthog: This right here? This is what it's really all about. Ah'm going to do this for you, Mikey-Z, you and Aaron Jr and Memphis and the rest of the Warthog Warriors out there who have missed me! Ah'm going to pound on them all! Dylan Black? Bushwhacked! Guy Manson? Massacred! Devin Raine? Washed Out! JJ Slayer? Slaughtered! Cholo? ... Ah like him but he's out too!
*Warthog begins to turn, spinning Mikey-Z around. The kid's laughter is kind of infectious. *
Aaron Warthog: The Rumble has no idea what they got in store for them. They aren't ready, not at all, because a Stampede is comin'! The Warthog charges again, and this time, ah'm goin' Hog Wild on everyone!! For my family! For my friends! And FOR ME!!
*Warthog lifts his son into the air with one arm, grinning wildly at the camera. He then tosses his kid up into the air... and the kid disappears. Warthog looks up, surprised, and the camera tilts up to see Mikey Z clinging to a light fixture, still laughing. Warthog shakes his head with a big smile, then goes to get a ladder as the picture fades out.*
Aaron Warthog: Sorry, sweetheart. But ah couldn't resist showing off yer beauty!
*Warthog quickly gives his son a quick pat on the head, before continuing on to another room. It's Warthog's pride and joy: his trophy room. Of course, there aren't any trophies in there, but the bookshelves are well-built. Warthog turns to the camera, all smiles.*
Aaron Warthog: Ah've truly been blessed. An amazing wife, stunning kids, and a beautiful home! And ah owe it all to Memphis and her great job. She does so well sellin' those On-a-Ly Fans. Who knew you could do a thrivin' business sellin' fans to keep people cool! Really, ah shouldn't ask for anything more...
*Warthog looks around at the empty shelves all around him, his grin fading slightly.*
Aaron Warthog: And yet ah can't help myself. Ah always had one dream: to become a great wrestla' who's known throughout the world. I put aside that dream with Memphis, and ah don't regret it at all... but Memphis knows ah can't ignore it anymore. Ah have to start making mah way into the world again. And all it took was for an old pal from the GCWA to call me up and say they needed me.
*Warthog grins, remembering the phone call. He then shrugs, opting to be honest.*
Aaron Warthog: Okay, so he just said they needed warm bodies. But that's me! ah'm warm as a lemonade pitcher left out in the sun on a hot South Carolina day! And ah can't miss this opportunity to compete in an honest-ta-God Rumble!
*The big man reaches out, grabbing hold of his custom-made Aaron Warthog t-shirt and tears it off of him. Thankfully, he's just got his wrestling gear on underneath.*
Aaron Warthog: Ah don't care who's in the Rumble. They could be pipsqueaks or hawses, skinny boys or heavy like me. It don't matter. Ah'm comin' to the TFCE to show the world that THE WARTHOG AIN'T DEAD! Ah'm still alive, and ah'm still livin' the dream, and nothin's gonna change that!
*Warthog is fired up, smacking the side of the empty shelf. The shelf shakes, but somehow doesn't fall apart. Instead, it shifts to the side, revealing a hidden stairway! Warthog, smiling, steps inside. He goes downwards and flips a switch, revealing the secret basement of their home. It's a full gym and even features a mini wrestling ring. It's barely large enough for Warthog, but he slides into it anyway, letting the ropes surround him.*
Aaron Warthog: For those who think ah don't train anymore due ta being a father, you're dead wrong! The Warthog is still one of tha strongest men in the world, and ah'll prove it by throwing every single one of ya over these ropes! Well, not these ropes, but ya know what ah mean!
*Behind Warthog, we can see a small figure climbing up onto the turnbuckle. He's trying to be stealthy, but his giggling gives him away. Warthog turns as the kid jumps towards him, laughing. Warthog easily catches him, lifting the kid onto his shoulder. He bounces him up and down, continuing to get him to laugh.*
Aaron Warthog: Mikey-Z! You're flyin' higher every day!
*The kid laughs again, enjoying being so elevated.*
Aaron Warthog: This right here? This is what it's really all about. Ah'm going to do this for you, Mikey-Z, you and Aaron Jr and Memphis and the rest of the Warthog Warriors out there who have missed me! Ah'm going to pound on them all! Dylan Black? Bushwhacked! Guy Manson? Massacred! Devin Raine? Washed Out! JJ Slayer? Slaughtered! Cholo? ... Ah like him but he's out too!
*Warthog begins to turn, spinning Mikey-Z around. The kid's laughter is kind of infectious. *
Aaron Warthog: The Rumble has no idea what they got in store for them. They aren't ready, not at all, because a Stampede is comin'! The Warthog charges again, and this time, ah'm goin' Hog Wild on everyone!! For my family! For my friends! And FOR ME!!
*Warthog lifts his son into the air with one arm, grinning wildly at the camera. He then tosses his kid up into the air... and the kid disappears. Warthog looks up, surprised, and the camera tilts up to see Mikey Z clinging to a light fixture, still laughing. Warthog shakes his head with a big smile, then goes to get a ladder as the picture fades out.*
