Post by Finn Kühn on Oct 20, 2022 19:42:20 GMT -5
20 October 2022
Brooklyn, New York City
Read Part 1 Here!
Another day, another session of hellacious training.
It was hard to fully immerse myself into things today, but I managed to get through it all the same. It felt like a mental block was starting to pool itself into my head, and I know it wasn't down to the hard shot I took the other week in the main event of XWF's Warfare holding me back at this point.
No, I knew where the cause was coming from, in fact. Tara Fenix's Charity Event technically had no real stakes attached for the large majority of its matches - save for the odd championship match negotiated to have featured - but it wasn't about the official stakes. In addition to being done for a good cause for the sake of charity, there were new eyes and ears watching from around the globe. XWF was among the brightest companies out there, but even they didn't have everyone tuning into their shows. A supercard like this would have more attention than anything else before that I had gone through, and if I planned to go elsewhere and keep up a hot streak of facing the best from around the world, a good first step here would be vital - and it'd help that in order to do so, I'd have to finish the job against the very man I had been forced to hold a controversial victory against - Buster Gloves.
...
No, that wasn't it either, wasn't it? I had been capable of facing Buster Gloves before, and I technically had won against him. I'd stepped into a fair amount of stressful situations in the ring multiple times over too, in fact. Something like this should be second nature at this point. I know an opponent has never intimidated me before, so... what was the cause of this sensation I was feeling?
I wasn't sure, but I wasn't ready to come up with an answer quite yet as I instead went to grab the door and lead out of the gym. The cold October air will always feel capable of sending goosebumps up my skin. I was always more of a summer child rather than a winter child, and trying to manage the frigid air when things got bad was always a difficult endeavor. Still, the fact that my body still felt somewhat overheated after yet another workout session with my trainer managed to set myself partially at ease. I had wiped the sweat off of my brow and propped my jacket higher, and was preparing to start walking...
“Finn,” the familiar voice called out to me. I swiveled on my heel, turning to see Skyla Hawkins approaching me with a furrowed brow. At the sight of me once again, now that we had both finished getting changed and ready to head out, her eyes hardened. For a moment, I had been worried about her giant spear that she uses to hit me on the top of my head, but then I realized that she called out to me with her voice instead. Clearly, she was serious here... “Are you alright? Between today and yesterday, it's like your head's been in a different place altogether. Why are you not focused?”
Go figure that we had the same exact thought on how things were going with me. If things were bad to the point where Skyla was noticing, it wouldn't be long before any others that would be watching would be able to pick up on my energy.
“I'm fine,” I said with a small nod. “My head's still not fully one hundred percent yet after that First Blood match I had last week. I'll be fine."”
Skyla, however, was not amused in the slightest as her hand curled tightly around her own jacket. “Finn, do you think something like that will work on me?” Her voice was almost like a nagging parent - full of concern, heart in the right place, but completely stern and unwavering. “You and I both know that your earlier match isn't the cause of what I'm talking about. If we're going to get through this, then I need you to work with me. You went out of your way to hire me, remember?”
Technically, it was my XWF 'Talent Liaison,' as Christine had been taking to calling herself, who had reached out to Skyla and then informed me after the fact... but she still had a point. Still, it wasn't like I needed a therapy session or anything like that. I was capable of handling myself and then some, and I shrugged. “Skyla, really. I'm fine. I've just been... thinking, is all.”
It only took Skyla one look at me to know that I wasn't giving her the right answer. She blinked at me, still unamused, as she saw in the dead of night that there was no one out and walking on the streets of the city. With a gesture towards me, she invited me to sit against the wall with her.
Another talk with her. I wasn't looking forward to that. Skyla had a way of managing to pierce right through the bullshit and get to your exposed heart with the way she navigated through a conversation. It was something I had learned the hard way, and yet I could tell there wasn't really an option to get out of this. Not only the fact that her glare could set almost any man on edge, but the fact that I knew this was something I needed to get past if I was going to win at the Charity Event.
With a deep breath, I managed to stomach my pride for just a moment as I walked over and squatted down next to Skyla. My back settled along the endless grooves and bumps of the building, but for the time being it wasn't annoying yet. Skyla already took the lead, her Scottish accent shining through as she spoke. “A nod's as good as a wink to a blind horse,” she huffed out. “So I need you to try and be as clear with me as possible here. Is this about the charity event?”
“...Yeah,” I finally managed to get out. “I can't tell why, but these past few days, I've just been feeling... uneasy. Anxious about everything. Maybe it's because of the fact I just lost on Warfare, maybe it's because of the head injury, maybe it's because of the amount of eyes watching the event, maybe it's just... I dunno. I'm not worried or intimidated per se about anything, but...”
Skyla took a deep breath for a moment, letting my words wash over her as she slowly nodded, before looking over to me and speaking. “Well, I know at least the first time I noticed your nerves were starting to seep through was once you had been talking about the charity of choice. The... Alzheimer's Association, wasn't it?” My hands clenched again, thinking about that as I swallowed the building saliva inside of my mouth. “Finn, I'm no therapist, but you don't need to be a therapist to tell this is affecting you deeply. If you want to try getting past this and win your matches next week and maybe even further beyond, then I need you to be honest with me. Is this something to do with your charity...?”
I quickly shook my head. “Not the charity itself, just... oh, fuck...” I took a deep breath to try and steady myself as I turned back to Skyla. “Listen, I don't like opening up like this and... talking about my feelings or whatever. I'll speak, but... at least hold off on commentary until I'm done or I ask you a question, alright?”
“My lips are sealed,” Skyla said as she nodded.
That allowed me to take a deep breath. I wasn't sure about her at times, but Skyla at least was trying to be a good listener here. I could stomach that much, at least as I looked forward again. “So, for starters then...” I said, trying to break past my own hesitation now. “I never spoke to you about my past so far, didn't I?”
Skyla's response was just as quick as the shake of my head I gave her earlier. “You never spoke, and I never asked.”
I nodded before continuing. “Well... I'd tell you about every nook and cranny that lead me to this point, but since if that happened we'd be finishing this by sunrise, I'll try to make it quick...”
“So, I was... born in Germany. My parents were good folks. I loved them, they loved me... but things weren't the greatest there. We didn't have the best house in the best neighborhood, my parents never worked the best jobs, and... I just tried passing the time however well I could.” I gave a small shrug. My childhood for the most part felt like a blur, but there was at least one memory I held onto that was relevant here. “My father... tried his best to make things easier on us. I didn't know it at the time, but soon around my sixth birthday or so, I noticed a few things. The heat and air conditioning were on more often. I could actually have the birthday present I asked for for my birthday. Little things like that I had picked up on. Turns out, my father tried taking a loan from one of the mobs over there.”
The story visually took Skyla by surprise, who blinked as I spoke about the old tale. That lead me to try and force a smile as I noticed. “Crazy, I know. My mother gave him an earful over it, believe me. Well... plans to pay them back kinda fell through. I woke up one early morning to see my father getting threatened by one of those goons. I pretended I didn't see shit, but... watching your hero getting shoved around and having a gun placed into his face kinda sticks with you.”
“That's an understatement,” Skyla mused as a long moment passed between us. “Did you ever find out how much he borrowed to try and get you out of that situation?”
“They never spoke, and I never asked,” I softly responded, bringing Skyla's quote right back to her as her own small, wry smile spread across her face. “Buuut... needless to say, we couldn't stick around in Germany. Fortunately, we had family who could help us out a bit, and between them and my parents scraping together every favor possible, we managed to get out of there and to America. I didn't wanna say goodbye to my friends and all, but... not like I had a choice, didn't I?” My eyes closed, and I took a deep breath to try and steady myself as Skyla continued staring at me.
“I learned the language pretty quick, at least. Made new friends in school. One particular friend of mine, Jon, took a special liking to me and brought me over to his house after school, and we watched some old WrestleManias together. I saw those men, so high above others, with the power of titans, able to have their own problems that seemed so much different, so much grander than anything I had ever known of. I saw their power and I said to myself, 'This is what I want to do.' And on top of that, I'd get all the money I could from it, and I'd use it to help bring myself and my parents back to our home country.” I gave a quiet chuckle as the childhood dreams popped back into my head.
“Things went well on that end. My parents were supportive of me, and everything. And I was just naturally going through training and getting better, and better, and better... So I thought to myself, maybe I could do this. Maybe I could bring them back after all. Maybe I could be successful and have all that power I dreamed about having.” And then, all at once, I exhaled the deep breath I was building up internally, letting it seep out of my systems as I closed my eyes.
“Then the diagnosis came from the doctor. Dad got Alzheimer's. And at that point, he was put on a ticking time clock.”
“So that was why you chose that charity...” Skyla said, putting two and two together as she looked at me. “Finn, I'm sor-”
“It's fine,” I sighed out and cut her off. “I've had to deal with it for over a decade at this point. But I watched him slowly forget me, and Mom, and everything around him, and... you never, ever get used to having to deal with that. As soon as he forgot my name, I felt my heart stop and it just took... everything not to bawl in front of him. Sooner or later, the rest of his body started failing too from unrelated stuff. His kidneys were failing, and... wasn't long after he kicked the bucket.”
I hadn't known what it was like to see someone's entire body swell up to an entire balloon until that last day in the hospital Mom and I went to go see him while he was unconscious. Knowing there was nothing I could do, knowing how powerless I was, knowing it was just a matter of time until those vital signs hit to zero. Most people in that case would cling to the hope that maybe if that was their parent in the same situation, they'd maybe feel loved in their last moments, but I knew he just forgot about us. I couldn't even have that.
Another long moment passed. I just tried to focus on my breathing, steadying myself as much as possible to block out the emotions. “Well, soon after that, Mom wasn't the same either. You know how when people love each other a ton, there are cases where they die soon after their lover? Same case here. Mom died within the year. I only had a few friends around me at that point, and I just... focused on the ring.”
“Nothing else to me mattered but wrestling, and I just tried single-mindedly focusing on it again, and again, and again. I thought maybe I could still complete that dream for them and be a champion. But even then, things felt like they were becoming... too easy at points. The enjoyment out of everything was getting sapped, yet I still continued. Losses began piling up again and again, and... I knew I needed to try readjusting myself completely. So I left.”
“That was my goal, Skyla. I was just a dumb kid wanting to succeed for my parents' sake. But that got crushed by something I said I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy to go through. Now, I'm still chasing after that power I wanted, but I'm still trying to figure out what for now, outside of just the thrill of adrenaline.”
“I see...” Skyla said, her gaze almost soothing for the first time in what felt like an eternity as she stared into my dull, gray, almost lifeless eyes. Her Scottish-accented voice was an almost soothing melody I allowed myself to get lost in, if it weren't for the words that she was about to say. “So you're broken, too...”
It was almost a whisper, but it was enough for me to sit up properly and turn my gaze back at her with a raised eyebrow. “Wait a second,” I said as my brows furrowed together. “I'm broken... 'too?' What did you mean by that, exactly?”
It took Skyla a moment to realize what she had just said, and her own eyes widened in response, and her tone was just an octave too high as she responded. “I mean... with Buster Gloves, obviously! I wouldn't mean that for anything else!"
Her voice drifted off as the two of us stared at each other. Though we were coming up on about a month of the two of us constantly being in talks and in close proximity together, and she had seen me in a more vulnerable state multiple times now... this was the first time I had felt like the roles were almost being reversed.
If this were any other time, at any other moment, I would have spoken up and pressed her about what she just said, to ask and question her on what she had meant further. And yet... having gone through my own story... I didn't think I had that in me. Instead, the wind slowly seeped out of my sails out of sheer exhaustion as I nodded, my tone not convinced. “Uh-huh...”
“I did mean that,” Skyla said, having gained a bit of her composure back. “You two are far more similar than you would give yourself credit for. You both let the experiences of the past get in your own way. You think less of yourselves than you truly are, your prior losses drag you down like weights bringing you deeper into the depths of a vicious cycle, and yet in the end you try to fight for-”
Skyla's voices was becoming that of a dull ringing that was washing in and out of my ears as I stared absently ahead, forcing myself in a Herculean effort just to look at the starry sky and just think. Were we truly similar?
I had thought of our paths as irreconcilable. Between the passive aggressive, arrogant comments I had seen him made and thought of him as desperate to overlook me, how he was ready to villainize me for something I didn't do with how our Relentless match went, and how we had nearly come to blows backstage, I couldn't see him as anything other than a rival I was going to find within myself to overcome.
But was that really the truth?
Were we two sides of the same coin?
Were we two men who were just desperately trying to overcome our past and make something anew?
Were we just marching forwards to what would inevitably be a certain, oncoming doom, yet would be too proud to back out while ahead?
Were we two men who struggled under the weight of our own sins that we imparted upon this world?
Were we desperately fighting, looking for some sort of salvation that would never be given to us no matter how far on this thorn-paved path we walked?
“...”
I didn't know. Right now, I couldn't bring myself to even try looking for that answer. But I knew there would be at least one thing that was important, something that I had to do. My eyes right now were glassy windows, tinted with rain that reflected the lights above as my hands instinctively curled themselves into my jeans.
“Finn? Finn...” I resumed hearing, just in time for me to be able to look off to my side and see Skyla looking at me with concern still all over her face, her eyes trailing to the small tears of exhaustion that were streaking themselves down my face. “...You alright?”
“Yeah, I'm fine. Told you I just don't like talking about sappy shit like this,” I said, half-forcing a smile as I blinked the tears away. “It's getting late. Let me walk you to your hotel room.”
The two of us remained still and silent for a moment before a small gust of wind reminded us of the ongoing passage of time. As quickly as it came, as quickly as it fled as the two of us exhaled and got up from our seats, before beginning to walk off into the New York skyline.
“And... Skyla?” I asked, prompting her to turn her head towards me. “Thank you. I think I needed that talk.”
Skyla gave me a gentle chuckle, covering her hand as she did so before playfully flicking my arm. “Don't get too used to it. You think flattery is going to save you from my spear? As far as I'm concerned, you better get ready, because training this next week is going to get even worse. You're the one who signed up for four matches between the Charity Event and the XWF, after all...”
That earned a small laugh from me, and the smile for a small moment felt slightly less forced as the clack of shoes on concrete echoed around us. “Believe me... I wouldn't have that any other way.”
“Round Two. Finn Kühn versus Buster Gloves on neutral ground. For all the marbles when it comes to bragging rights. No ifs, no ands, no buts. It's going to just be us two, and there's going to be no cheating or controversy involved.”
“I was born ready for a stage like this, and that isn't going to change here and now. Buster and I are no stranger to failures. We're no stranger to having to pick ourselves back up from nothing, but it's having to deal with situations like those that make us all the stronger. He's been on a bit of a cold streak between the XWF and his old fed, Level-Up. I've been batting .500 ever since I've returned. We're both trying to scratch, to claw, to bring our way to the top in spite of what destiny throws at us.”
“This is going to come down to who wants it more. He can self-depreciate himself all he wants - he's told me to my face about how he's nothing more than average, but a trained, focused Buster Gloves who knows what he's doing is capable of many things. You people saw it again and again in Level-Up, and you've seen at least the odd glimmer of it in the XWF. That's why predictions online are currently favoring him to win.”
“You know what I say to that?”
“Screw that.”
“You people don't know me, but just like I said earlier with the Rumble match, we're going to be getting very well-acquainted. I have respect for my opponent, but I also want this win a lot more than he does. Just as he had his first match outside of his home fed against me, this is my own first singles match outside of my own home fed, and I intend to make good on this opportunity. He's a former multi-month champion. He's an accomplished MMA fighter. He's a decorated veteran. He's proven himself again on multiple different battlefields. If he were to hang up his boots, he has something he can look back and reflect on happily, as he should.”
“I'm not the same. I've been close to the top many, many times before I pulled the rug out from under myself. I've never even held a single title so far. And yet... I've always wanted to be a champion. I've always wanted to wield the power of the giants. I've always wanted to try and claim success for myself.”
“But until that day comes, until I can declare myself a Kaiser again... I stand here, a lowly King in Rags. A man who has to fight to reach that summit like everyone else has. A man who is going to show everyone that I don't need someone to try and steal my integrity in order to get a win against Buster Gloves.”
“I am Finn Kühn. And I am here to tell you... that I have arrived.”
Brooklyn, New York City
Read Part 1 Here!
Another day, another session of hellacious training.
It was hard to fully immerse myself into things today, but I managed to get through it all the same. It felt like a mental block was starting to pool itself into my head, and I know it wasn't down to the hard shot I took the other week in the main event of XWF's Warfare holding me back at this point.
No, I knew where the cause was coming from, in fact. Tara Fenix's Charity Event technically had no real stakes attached for the large majority of its matches - save for the odd championship match negotiated to have featured - but it wasn't about the official stakes. In addition to being done for a good cause for the sake of charity, there were new eyes and ears watching from around the globe. XWF was among the brightest companies out there, but even they didn't have everyone tuning into their shows. A supercard like this would have more attention than anything else before that I had gone through, and if I planned to go elsewhere and keep up a hot streak of facing the best from around the world, a good first step here would be vital - and it'd help that in order to do so, I'd have to finish the job against the very man I had been forced to hold a controversial victory against - Buster Gloves.
...
No, that wasn't it either, wasn't it? I had been capable of facing Buster Gloves before, and I technically had won against him. I'd stepped into a fair amount of stressful situations in the ring multiple times over too, in fact. Something like this should be second nature at this point. I know an opponent has never intimidated me before, so... what was the cause of this sensation I was feeling?
I wasn't sure, but I wasn't ready to come up with an answer quite yet as I instead went to grab the door and lead out of the gym. The cold October air will always feel capable of sending goosebumps up my skin. I was always more of a summer child rather than a winter child, and trying to manage the frigid air when things got bad was always a difficult endeavor. Still, the fact that my body still felt somewhat overheated after yet another workout session with my trainer managed to set myself partially at ease. I had wiped the sweat off of my brow and propped my jacket higher, and was preparing to start walking...
“Finn,” the familiar voice called out to me. I swiveled on my heel, turning to see Skyla Hawkins approaching me with a furrowed brow. At the sight of me once again, now that we had both finished getting changed and ready to head out, her eyes hardened. For a moment, I had been worried about her giant spear that she uses to hit me on the top of my head, but then I realized that she called out to me with her voice instead. Clearly, she was serious here... “Are you alright? Between today and yesterday, it's like your head's been in a different place altogether. Why are you not focused?”
Go figure that we had the same exact thought on how things were going with me. If things were bad to the point where Skyla was noticing, it wouldn't be long before any others that would be watching would be able to pick up on my energy.
“I'm fine,” I said with a small nod. “My head's still not fully one hundred percent yet after that First Blood match I had last week. I'll be fine."”
Skyla, however, was not amused in the slightest as her hand curled tightly around her own jacket. “Finn, do you think something like that will work on me?” Her voice was almost like a nagging parent - full of concern, heart in the right place, but completely stern and unwavering. “You and I both know that your earlier match isn't the cause of what I'm talking about. If we're going to get through this, then I need you to work with me. You went out of your way to hire me, remember?”
Technically, it was my XWF 'Talent Liaison,' as Christine had been taking to calling herself, who had reached out to Skyla and then informed me after the fact... but she still had a point. Still, it wasn't like I needed a therapy session or anything like that. I was capable of handling myself and then some, and I shrugged. “Skyla, really. I'm fine. I've just been... thinking, is all.”
It only took Skyla one look at me to know that I wasn't giving her the right answer. She blinked at me, still unamused, as she saw in the dead of night that there was no one out and walking on the streets of the city. With a gesture towards me, she invited me to sit against the wall with her.
Another talk with her. I wasn't looking forward to that. Skyla had a way of managing to pierce right through the bullshit and get to your exposed heart with the way she navigated through a conversation. It was something I had learned the hard way, and yet I could tell there wasn't really an option to get out of this. Not only the fact that her glare could set almost any man on edge, but the fact that I knew this was something I needed to get past if I was going to win at the Charity Event.
With a deep breath, I managed to stomach my pride for just a moment as I walked over and squatted down next to Skyla. My back settled along the endless grooves and bumps of the building, but for the time being it wasn't annoying yet. Skyla already took the lead, her Scottish accent shining through as she spoke. “A nod's as good as a wink to a blind horse,” she huffed out. “So I need you to try and be as clear with me as possible here. Is this about the charity event?”
“...Yeah,” I finally managed to get out. “I can't tell why, but these past few days, I've just been feeling... uneasy. Anxious about everything. Maybe it's because of the fact I just lost on Warfare, maybe it's because of the head injury, maybe it's because of the amount of eyes watching the event, maybe it's just... I dunno. I'm not worried or intimidated per se about anything, but...”
Skyla took a deep breath for a moment, letting my words wash over her as she slowly nodded, before looking over to me and speaking. “Well, I know at least the first time I noticed your nerves were starting to seep through was once you had been talking about the charity of choice. The... Alzheimer's Association, wasn't it?” My hands clenched again, thinking about that as I swallowed the building saliva inside of my mouth. “Finn, I'm no therapist, but you don't need to be a therapist to tell this is affecting you deeply. If you want to try getting past this and win your matches next week and maybe even further beyond, then I need you to be honest with me. Is this something to do with your charity...?”
I quickly shook my head. “Not the charity itself, just... oh, fuck...” I took a deep breath to try and steady myself as I turned back to Skyla. “Listen, I don't like opening up like this and... talking about my feelings or whatever. I'll speak, but... at least hold off on commentary until I'm done or I ask you a question, alright?”
“My lips are sealed,” Skyla said as she nodded.
That allowed me to take a deep breath. I wasn't sure about her at times, but Skyla at least was trying to be a good listener here. I could stomach that much, at least as I looked forward again. “So, for starters then...” I said, trying to break past my own hesitation now. “I never spoke to you about my past so far, didn't I?”
Skyla's response was just as quick as the shake of my head I gave her earlier. “You never spoke, and I never asked.”
I nodded before continuing. “Well... I'd tell you about every nook and cranny that lead me to this point, but since if that happened we'd be finishing this by sunrise, I'll try to make it quick...”
“So, I was... born in Germany. My parents were good folks. I loved them, they loved me... but things weren't the greatest there. We didn't have the best house in the best neighborhood, my parents never worked the best jobs, and... I just tried passing the time however well I could.” I gave a small shrug. My childhood for the most part felt like a blur, but there was at least one memory I held onto that was relevant here. “My father... tried his best to make things easier on us. I didn't know it at the time, but soon around my sixth birthday or so, I noticed a few things. The heat and air conditioning were on more often. I could actually have the birthday present I asked for for my birthday. Little things like that I had picked up on. Turns out, my father tried taking a loan from one of the mobs over there.”
The story visually took Skyla by surprise, who blinked as I spoke about the old tale. That lead me to try and force a smile as I noticed. “Crazy, I know. My mother gave him an earful over it, believe me. Well... plans to pay them back kinda fell through. I woke up one early morning to see my father getting threatened by one of those goons. I pretended I didn't see shit, but... watching your hero getting shoved around and having a gun placed into his face kinda sticks with you.”
“That's an understatement,” Skyla mused as a long moment passed between us. “Did you ever find out how much he borrowed to try and get you out of that situation?”
“They never spoke, and I never asked,” I softly responded, bringing Skyla's quote right back to her as her own small, wry smile spread across her face. “Buuut... needless to say, we couldn't stick around in Germany. Fortunately, we had family who could help us out a bit, and between them and my parents scraping together every favor possible, we managed to get out of there and to America. I didn't wanna say goodbye to my friends and all, but... not like I had a choice, didn't I?” My eyes closed, and I took a deep breath to try and steady myself as Skyla continued staring at me.
“I learned the language pretty quick, at least. Made new friends in school. One particular friend of mine, Jon, took a special liking to me and brought me over to his house after school, and we watched some old WrestleManias together. I saw those men, so high above others, with the power of titans, able to have their own problems that seemed so much different, so much grander than anything I had ever known of. I saw their power and I said to myself, 'This is what I want to do.' And on top of that, I'd get all the money I could from it, and I'd use it to help bring myself and my parents back to our home country.” I gave a quiet chuckle as the childhood dreams popped back into my head.
“Things went well on that end. My parents were supportive of me, and everything. And I was just naturally going through training and getting better, and better, and better... So I thought to myself, maybe I could do this. Maybe I could bring them back after all. Maybe I could be successful and have all that power I dreamed about having.” And then, all at once, I exhaled the deep breath I was building up internally, letting it seep out of my systems as I closed my eyes.
“Then the diagnosis came from the doctor. Dad got Alzheimer's. And at that point, he was put on a ticking time clock.”
“So that was why you chose that charity...” Skyla said, putting two and two together as she looked at me. “Finn, I'm sor-”
“It's fine,” I sighed out and cut her off. “I've had to deal with it for over a decade at this point. But I watched him slowly forget me, and Mom, and everything around him, and... you never, ever get used to having to deal with that. As soon as he forgot my name, I felt my heart stop and it just took... everything not to bawl in front of him. Sooner or later, the rest of his body started failing too from unrelated stuff. His kidneys were failing, and... wasn't long after he kicked the bucket.”
I hadn't known what it was like to see someone's entire body swell up to an entire balloon until that last day in the hospital Mom and I went to go see him while he was unconscious. Knowing there was nothing I could do, knowing how powerless I was, knowing it was just a matter of time until those vital signs hit to zero. Most people in that case would cling to the hope that maybe if that was their parent in the same situation, they'd maybe feel loved in their last moments, but I knew he just forgot about us. I couldn't even have that.
Another long moment passed. I just tried to focus on my breathing, steadying myself as much as possible to block out the emotions. “Well, soon after that, Mom wasn't the same either. You know how when people love each other a ton, there are cases where they die soon after their lover? Same case here. Mom died within the year. I only had a few friends around me at that point, and I just... focused on the ring.”
“Nothing else to me mattered but wrestling, and I just tried single-mindedly focusing on it again, and again, and again. I thought maybe I could still complete that dream for them and be a champion. But even then, things felt like they were becoming... too easy at points. The enjoyment out of everything was getting sapped, yet I still continued. Losses began piling up again and again, and... I knew I needed to try readjusting myself completely. So I left.”
“That was my goal, Skyla. I was just a dumb kid wanting to succeed for my parents' sake. But that got crushed by something I said I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy to go through. Now, I'm still chasing after that power I wanted, but I'm still trying to figure out what for now, outside of just the thrill of adrenaline.”
“I see...” Skyla said, her gaze almost soothing for the first time in what felt like an eternity as she stared into my dull, gray, almost lifeless eyes. Her Scottish-accented voice was an almost soothing melody I allowed myself to get lost in, if it weren't for the words that she was about to say. “So you're broken, too...”
It was almost a whisper, but it was enough for me to sit up properly and turn my gaze back at her with a raised eyebrow. “Wait a second,” I said as my brows furrowed together. “I'm broken... 'too?' What did you mean by that, exactly?”
It took Skyla a moment to realize what she had just said, and her own eyes widened in response, and her tone was just an octave too high as she responded. “I mean... with Buster Gloves, obviously! I wouldn't mean that for anything else!"
Her voice drifted off as the two of us stared at each other. Though we were coming up on about a month of the two of us constantly being in talks and in close proximity together, and she had seen me in a more vulnerable state multiple times now... this was the first time I had felt like the roles were almost being reversed.
If this were any other time, at any other moment, I would have spoken up and pressed her about what she just said, to ask and question her on what she had meant further. And yet... having gone through my own story... I didn't think I had that in me. Instead, the wind slowly seeped out of my sails out of sheer exhaustion as I nodded, my tone not convinced. “Uh-huh...”
“I did mean that,” Skyla said, having gained a bit of her composure back. “You two are far more similar than you would give yourself credit for. You both let the experiences of the past get in your own way. You think less of yourselves than you truly are, your prior losses drag you down like weights bringing you deeper into the depths of a vicious cycle, and yet in the end you try to fight for-”
Skyla's voices was becoming that of a dull ringing that was washing in and out of my ears as I stared absently ahead, forcing myself in a Herculean effort just to look at the starry sky and just think. Were we truly similar?
I had thought of our paths as irreconcilable. Between the passive aggressive, arrogant comments I had seen him made and thought of him as desperate to overlook me, how he was ready to villainize me for something I didn't do with how our Relentless match went, and how we had nearly come to blows backstage, I couldn't see him as anything other than a rival I was going to find within myself to overcome.
But was that really the truth?
Were we two sides of the same coin?
Were we two men who were just desperately trying to overcome our past and make something anew?
Were we just marching forwards to what would inevitably be a certain, oncoming doom, yet would be too proud to back out while ahead?
Were we two men who struggled under the weight of our own sins that we imparted upon this world?
Were we desperately fighting, looking for some sort of salvation that would never be given to us no matter how far on this thorn-paved path we walked?
“...”
I didn't know. Right now, I couldn't bring myself to even try looking for that answer. But I knew there would be at least one thing that was important, something that I had to do. My eyes right now were glassy windows, tinted with rain that reflected the lights above as my hands instinctively curled themselves into my jeans.
“Finn? Finn...” I resumed hearing, just in time for me to be able to look off to my side and see Skyla looking at me with concern still all over her face, her eyes trailing to the small tears of exhaustion that were streaking themselves down my face. “...You alright?”
“Yeah, I'm fine. Told you I just don't like talking about sappy shit like this,” I said, half-forcing a smile as I blinked the tears away. “It's getting late. Let me walk you to your hotel room.”
The two of us remained still and silent for a moment before a small gust of wind reminded us of the ongoing passage of time. As quickly as it came, as quickly as it fled as the two of us exhaled and got up from our seats, before beginning to walk off into the New York skyline.
“And... Skyla?” I asked, prompting her to turn her head towards me. “Thank you. I think I needed that talk.”
Skyla gave me a gentle chuckle, covering her hand as she did so before playfully flicking my arm. “Don't get too used to it. You think flattery is going to save you from my spear? As far as I'm concerned, you better get ready, because training this next week is going to get even worse. You're the one who signed up for four matches between the Charity Event and the XWF, after all...”
That earned a small laugh from me, and the smile for a small moment felt slightly less forced as the clack of shoes on concrete echoed around us. “Believe me... I wouldn't have that any other way.”
“Round Two. Finn Kühn versus Buster Gloves on neutral ground. For all the marbles when it comes to bragging rights. No ifs, no ands, no buts. It's going to just be us two, and there's going to be no cheating or controversy involved.”
“I was born ready for a stage like this, and that isn't going to change here and now. Buster and I are no stranger to failures. We're no stranger to having to pick ourselves back up from nothing, but it's having to deal with situations like those that make us all the stronger. He's been on a bit of a cold streak between the XWF and his old fed, Level-Up. I've been batting .500 ever since I've returned. We're both trying to scratch, to claw, to bring our way to the top in spite of what destiny throws at us.”
“This is going to come down to who wants it more. He can self-depreciate himself all he wants - he's told me to my face about how he's nothing more than average, but a trained, focused Buster Gloves who knows what he's doing is capable of many things. You people saw it again and again in Level-Up, and you've seen at least the odd glimmer of it in the XWF. That's why predictions online are currently favoring him to win.”
“You know what I say to that?”
“Screw that.”
“You people don't know me, but just like I said earlier with the Rumble match, we're going to be getting very well-acquainted. I have respect for my opponent, but I also want this win a lot more than he does. Just as he had his first match outside of his home fed against me, this is my own first singles match outside of my own home fed, and I intend to make good on this opportunity. He's a former multi-month champion. He's an accomplished MMA fighter. He's a decorated veteran. He's proven himself again on multiple different battlefields. If he were to hang up his boots, he has something he can look back and reflect on happily, as he should.”
“I'm not the same. I've been close to the top many, many times before I pulled the rug out from under myself. I've never even held a single title so far. And yet... I've always wanted to be a champion. I've always wanted to wield the power of the giants. I've always wanted to try and claim success for myself.”
“But until that day comes, until I can declare myself a Kaiser again... I stand here, a lowly King in Rags. A man who has to fight to reach that summit like everyone else has. A man who is going to show everyone that I don't need someone to try and steal my integrity in order to get a win against Buster Gloves.”
“I am Finn Kühn. And I am here to tell you... that I have arrived.”
